http://www.forrestrace.com/expressions-stained-2/
What do you think of this?
Just something that popped in my head….first, VERY rough draft. Worth continuing?
—-
“The name’s Green. Luke Green. I write for the paper.”
The bored woman behind the counter doesn’t look impressed. In fact, she looks downright apathetic. The road to riches clearly doesn’t lie in selling cigarettes, and lotto tickets. “What paper?”
“Harrison High,” I say proudly, brandishing my press pass. “Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?”
She doesn’t answer right away. She squints at my badge as if she’s trying to determine its legitimacy. She opens her mouth and—-“Is that mustard?”
Not exactly the response I was looking for. “What? Yeah.” My pass had somehow gotten entwined with a bologna sandwich. Insignificant, really. “So do you mind?” With the excitement of the mysterious mustard stain gone, she nodded, the bored expression returning to her face.
Yes. You should definitely continue it, BUT make it interesting. I mean, of course, it’s boring right now and will most likely get better and you right very descriptively… but I know not many people would keep reading it if you start it out so boring. I really like the mustard stain idea to launch it into something comedic but where are you going to take it now? You better catch their eye with something better or the reader would have put there book down by the next page.
I do have to say the mustard stain was random and catches the eye and I’m not trying to focus on the negative but please do have something like this happen again and soon if you’re going to continue. I almost laughed out loud.
GREAT JOB AND GOOD LUCK!
Acid stain concrete samples
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